Christmas 2011

So I quit my job to be able to spend the holidays with family and instead most of the time I spent the holidays wishing I had a job.  With some things going on in our lives besides me not having a job, money was tight and the Christmas spirit just wasn't there for Grant and I this year.  Grant had been dealing with a cold also which seems to put a damper on things as well.  Santa did not come this year which was the second year in my life...first being the year my mom decided to just have him not show up (I was probably in my early 20's but he's a pretty big deal to me). Grant and I decided together that he wasn't coming this year but it was really hard even though he doesn't usually go over 30 dollars it's the spirit of Santa that makes it exciting=) I really do believe Jesus is the reason for the season and if not for his birth we wouldn't even be where we are today as humans but I'm human and I guess a part of me wants a little bit of the commercial humdrum of it all....it pains me to have to admit that! So we packed up our car early Friday morning and headed to Eagle Bend, MN (Grant's hometown) and had family dinner and gift opening.  Saturday we headed to Fargo/Moorhead where we got to visit with my friend Sharon and spend the evening with Grant's family at his grandparents house.  Grant's family is insanely normal and right out of a Norman Rockwell picture.  Everyone gathers around and Grandma read the Christmas story out of the bible, we sang Christmas carols as Grant's aunt played the piano, Rick (Grant's father) read a story, which he reads every year written by an author from ND I believe and Grant's grandfather told stories and sang a song. We all gathered for church at a little church in the middle of nowhere and sat through a nice traditional service.  Grant said church helped him get the spirit a little more but for me it was still lost.  Sunday we went to my mom's house and what usually ends in my mom and I fighting ended with a civil day together....granted there was enough to be done and enough people to buffer any possible blow-up.
I don't know if the old saying is true that Christmas is better when through a child's eyes but if so it makes me sad we've lost that child in us and not having and probably never having children we may not get that back.  I also don't want my Christmas to be good or bad based on what I received or didn't receive how much money is available etc...it honestly pains me to say that although I feel I'm above all that I may not be.  Santa, who has always been something I choose to believe in the magic of and still "believe" in has always been the way Grant and I exchange something (we personally don't believe in using Christmas as an excuse for giving something big). This year agreeing to not do it seemed to take so much away and that in itself makes me wonder about myself...ugh. I really hope next year I have a good job and the spirit of Christmas is something we both can recapture

My New Addiction

I discovered JJ Heller through her song "Your hands" being on the radio station I listen to.  Her voice is like crack to me..I just can't stop listening to her.  I wanted to share a few of my favorite songs and hope you enjoy her as well.